What You Wish For
by Riona
Summary: Josh/Finn: an alternative version of Josh's coming-out storyline. Finn doesn't reject Josh. This isn't necessarily a good thing.


Hello! I'm fairly new to _Waterloo Road_; I was actually drawn into the programme by Josh's coming-out storyline (although I've watched most of the earlier series since), and, as nobody seemed to have written a 'what if Finn hadn't pushed him away?' story, I thought I'd have a go myself. This is Josh/Finn, but it's also about the father-son relationship between Josh and Tom.

I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

**What You Wish For**

* * *

"What you've got to remember," Finn says, "is you're not a girl."

He's kissing Josh's neck. Josh breathes slowly through his open mouth.

"No matter how much you act like one," Finn adds.

"Shut up."

"So what're you going to do for me?" Finn murmurs, in between nips on his collarbone.

"Eh?"

Finn draws back a little, propping himself up on his elbows above Josh. "I mean, I could be getting any girl in the school. But I'm not. I'm with you. And no offence, mate, but you don't have tits." He gives Josh's chest an illustrative shove. "So how're you gonna make it worth it?"

Josh stares up at him. "What're you saying? You'll leave?"

"Well, just saying maybe you should give me a reason to stay. You're the one who wanted me, anyway, so I'm doing you a favour."

"Doing me a _favour_?" Josh repeats, incredulous.

"No, I mean, obviously I like you." He runs his fingers through Josh's hair, and Josh shivers. "It's just, how am I meant to know this is right? You've got to show me you mean it."

Josh hesitates. "How am I s'posed to do that?"

Finn smiles and leans down to kiss him, long and slow. Josh closes his eyes and tries not to worry too much about whether he's doing this right, concentrating on the feel of Finn's leg between his.

"I'll think of something," Finn murmurs into his mouth.

* * *

"What's your schedule?" Finn asks, catching up with him on the way to school. "'Cause I reckon we can fit in some time in the supply cupboard before registration."

Josh winces. "I can't. Doing the English assembly, aren't I?"

"Oh, yeah, right." Finn crosses his arms and drops into an exaggerated sulk, before brightening up again. "Well, we can just do it there, can't we?"

"Do what?"

"I could kiss you," Finn says. "Up there, on the stage."

Josh stops walking. "You joking?"

"Why not?"

"In front of the whole school?"

"Got nothing to be ashamed of. And we can say it was a joke, anyway." Finn slings an arm around Josh's shoulders, grinning. "Can you imagine Clarkson's face? He'll go mad."

"I don't want him to," Josh says. "He's my dad."

"Yeah, but he's still a teacher. Let's wind him up a bit."

Josh looks away, fiddling with the sleeve of his blazer. "Do you really think he'd be upset?"

"It'll be brilliant," Finn says, cheerfully.

"I don't know."

"What," Finn says, his tone changing, "you don't want people to know we're going out? You're ashamed of me?"

"It's not that," Josh says. "It's just – "

"Then why won't you do this for me?" Finn asks, pulling away from him.

* * *

Tom slams the door and turns to face him. "What the hell was that?"

Josh really doesn't want to be having this conversation. "What did it look like?"

"That Finn," Tom says, pacing back and forth. "When I get my hands on him – "

"He's not done anything wrong, Dad!"

"He _kissed_ you! In front of the school! Just to make you a target for bullying! You don't think that's wrong?"

"He's my boyfriend, all right?" Josh snaps.

There is a long silence.

"Your boyfriend," Tom says.

Josh closes his eyes.

"Tell me," Tom says, very quietly, "this is a joke."

Josh stays quiet, keeping his eyes shut, and after a moment he hears his father's footsteps leaving the room.

* * *

Finn is leaning on the railing when Josh comes to the stairs. "What did Clarkson want?"

"Told him about us," Josh says, trying very hard to keep his voice steady. He almost manages it.

"How'd he take it?"

Josh looks at him, blinking tears back from his eyes.

"All right, listen," Finn says, pushing away from the railing and patting him on the arm. "I'm coming 'round to yours after school, okay? Take your mind off things."

All the things on Josh's mind right now are to do with Finn, so he's not sure it'll really help with that, but he smiles a little anyway. "Yeah. Thanks."

* * *

His hands are sweating, and his fingers slip on the buttons.

"I've not done this before," Josh says, quietly.

"Better get on with it, then," Finn says, folding his arms behind his head. "Practice makes perfect, yeah?"

* * *

"I've thought of it," Finn says, afterwards. "How you can prove to me this is serious."

Josh was sort of hoping that would be proof enough. He thinks he might have a hair caught in his throat; that's definitely worth something. But he can't lose Finn.

"Okay," he says. "Whatever it is, I'll do it."

* * *

"Evening, Josh," Tom says, when Josh comes out of his room. It sounds forced to Josh's ears. "Been staying out of trouble?"

"Evening, Mr Clarkson," Finn says brightly over Josh's hesitant greeting, walking out behind him.

Tom's eyes move from Josh to Finn. Josh suddenly feels very aware indeed of how dishevelled he must look, how sweaty his hair is.

"Finn," Tom says.

Josh catches Finn's eye and tries to beg him with his mind not to leave them alone, but his psychic powers don't seem to be much use, because Finn says, "Guess I'd better be getting home, then, sir."

"Yes," Tom says, standing back to let Finn walk past him, abandoning Josh to his fate, "I guess you better had."

There is a pause after the front door slams shut. Josh looks at his dad and quickly looks away again.

"Didn't know Finn was coming over," Tom says.

"Yeah, well, I don't tell you everything, do I?" Josh asks, still avoiding his eyes.

Another pause.

Tom takes a deep breath. "Were you two...?"

"_Dad_," Josh exclaims in shrill horror.

"Right," Tom says. "Okay. I don't want to know."

He hesitates. Josh watches him, wary.

"Look," Tom says, eventually, "I'm sorry about earlier. Today, I mean." He shifts, puts his hands in his pockets and then takes them out again. "I won't pretend I'm ecstatic, but if – "

"We don't have to talk about it," Josh says, quickly.

Tom manages an awkward smile at that. "Okay. Another time, maybe."

* * *

The fire alarm goes off after period four, and Tom leads his A Level students out of the building. They're the first down there; the only other person is Finn Sharkey, leaning against the fence and smirking, Tom is convinced, specifically at him.

"Shouldn't you have been with your class?" Tom demands.

"Went to the toilet, Mr Clarkson," Finn says, innocently.

The other classes arrive and any chance of interrogating Sharkey further is lost in the milling crowd, which is just as well because every time Tom sees him he has to fight the urge to punch his smug little face in.

When the kids have been marshalled into something resembling order and Karen calls for the teachers to begin taking the register, Tom scans the assembled faces for Josh and realises he's nowhere to be seen.

* * *

The staff room has been trashed. The mugs have been broken, the blinds ripped down, the sofas overturned. Tom closes his eyes on the carnage and presses his hands to his temples.

"Not looking good, is it, sir?" Finn's voice exclaims gleefully from behind him.

"Finn," he says. "Cooler. Now."

"What? I couldn't have done it, could I? I was out with the others. You spoke to me yourself, sir."

"Just... get out."

"I understand this must be stressful, sir," Finn says, patting him sympathetically on the back. "I won't hold you being angry against you."

"_Finn_," Tom snarls, wheeling around, and Finn scarpers.

"Oh, my God," the much more welcome Cesca says, coming past him into the room. "Who did this?"

"I have a horrible feeling I know," Tom says.

* * *

"Why'd you do it?" Tom demands. "You get on well enough with most of the teachers. I should bloody well hope you do, at least; your father's one of them."

"I _didn't do it_," Josh insists, not looking at him.

"Every other kid in the school was out there being counted. Don't lie to me. Detention, after school, in the cooler."

"It's not a lie. I don't know how it happened."

"It's Finn flaming Sharkey, isn't it? He put you up to this."

Josh doesn't say anything, staring at the floor.

"'Course it is," Tom says, heavily. There's a moment's silence before he says, "I don't think you should see him any more."

Josh looks up quickly. "You're serious?"

"I don't know what you saw in him in the first place," Tom says. "You were making a mistake the moment you made friends with him. He's leading you down a very dark path, Josh."

Josh tightens his jaw.

"Look," Tom says, more gently now, "this isn't what you want to be, is it?"

"What d'you mean? I don't want to be gay, is that it?"

"What? No," Tom protests, holding up his hands. "That wasn't what I meant."

"You're supposed to be my dad," Josh says. "If you can't accept me for who I am, maybe I should just go back to my mum's."

"This isn't about your sexuality," Tom says. "This is to do with Finn. He's not good for you; you must be able to see that."

"Finn's the best thing that's ever happened to me," Josh says, furious. "You don't get it, do you? I'm not going to change just because I'm not what you wanted."

"A kid who trashes the staff room in some stupid effort to impress someone's not what I want," Tom says. "The way I feel right now, you can go out with a boy or a girl or a flaming rabbit for all I care, so long as it's not Finn Sharkey."

* * *

Josh rounds a corner in the lunch break, his mind back at what his dad said, and suddenly he's slammed against a wall so hard his vision goes blurry and when he's aware of his surroundings again someone is kissing him, hard, pushing their hands up under the back of his shirt. He hopes it's Finn. He blinks a few times to clear his sight. It's Finn.

"I saw what you did," Finn breathes against his mouth, as some passing Year Eights make scandalised noises. "That was _amazing._"

They find an empty classroom. Finn sits on the teacher's desk, smirking, and pulls Josh down by his tie to kiss him again. Josh plants his hand on the surface of the desk to keep his balance and feels the scratches in the wood and finds himself wondering whether his dad made them while marking, although he's trying to lose himself in the feeling of Finn's mouth.

"'ng wrong?" Finn asks, not breaking the kiss.

"Nothing," Josh mutters, pulling back a little. "It's just – my dad doesn't want me seeing you any more."

Finn goes still, and when Josh goes in for another kiss he finds himself pushed away. Josh frowns. "What?"

"Your dad," Finn says. "He's never been happy with us, has he? Even before all this, he didn't want me around you."

"I don't think he likes me being – you know," Josh says. "But he can't stop it, can he?"

"He can try," Finn says. "Long as you're with him, he's going to try to keep us apart." He looks into Josh's eyes. "You can't let him get away with this."

Josh shrugs. "Yeah, but what can I do?"

"You cut him out."

Josh stares. "Do what?"

"Stop talking to him. Go back to your mum. You don't ever let him try to control your life again."

"I can't cut him out," Josh says. "He's my _dad_."

"Your dad," Finn says, with a snort. "You've only known him a year."

"And how long have I known you for?"

"You saying he matters more than I do? Like you'd do this with him?"

Josh makes a face. "That's disgusting."

"So that's it, is it? You say you love me, but in the end you care more about what Mr Clarkson thinks."

"He's not just my teacher," Josh protests. "I don't _want_ to – I can't just – "

"So what? You think I'd let my dad keep me away?"

"I'm with you now, aren't I?"

"It doesn't matter." Finn gives Josh's tie a sharp and painful tug before letting go of it. "You're still choosing him over me."

"Finn, wait," Josh pleads, but Finn pushes past him and leaves, slamming the door.

* * *

Tom's already there when Josh gets to the cooler after school, marking exercise books. He looks up and gives Josh a slight nod. Josh doesn't say anything; just sits down and pulls out his Maths homework.

Maybe, if he doesn't talk to Dad at all – maybe Finn will give him another chance.

He takes out a pen and tries to work, but he can't concentrate. The numbers slip away from him. He's not thinking clearly enough to add up, let alone solve simultaneous equations.

"Josh?" Tom asks.

Josh becomes aware that he's breathing loudly through clenched teeth. The figures on the worksheet are beginning to blur.

There's a scrape of chair legs as Tom stands up. "Josh? You all right?"

He needs to get out of here. He needs to find Finn and beg him to take him back.

"Hey," Tom says. He pulls up a chair to sit next to Josh, puts an arm around him. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Josh hiccups and blinks fiercely, trying to drive back the tears, and then, as if this isn't already humiliating enough, he grabs a handful of Tom's shirt and slumps sideways to begin crying into his shoulder.

Tom's hand tightens on his arm, and after a moment he says, in a harder tone, "Did Finn do anything to you?"

Josh shakes his head, and then, in case that's not clear when he has his head buried in Tom's shirt, mumbles, "No." It takes him a moment to realise that he's broken his resolution not to speak to his father.

"Other kids giving you grief?"

"Dad," Josh says, lifting his head. It's difficult to speak around what feels like a marble in his throat, but he tries. "It's over. Me and Finn."

"Oh," Tom says. There's a pause while he considers, rubbing Josh's arm. "I can't say I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, that's a surprise," Josh mutters, pulling away.

"Hey," Tom says, standing up, and Josh finds himself being dragged to his feet and into a proper hug. After a moment, he hesitantly puts his arms around Tom as well. He can feel the crying threatening to start again, but he fixes his eyes on an empty point on the wall and tries to fight it.

"I'm not sorry you broke it off with Finn," Tom says, letting go. "That doesn't mean I want to see you this upset." He clears his throat. "You really did... care about him, didn't you?"

Josh swallows. "I still do."

"Yeah, well, don't. He's not worth it." He hesitates. "Maybe find a nicer boyfriend next time, eh?"

Josh, surprised, laughs through his tears. "Thanks, Dad."


End file.
